The rear view mirror

I'm driving on the countryside, lovely breeze hitting my face, messing my hair. I'm loving it! I love the cool breeze, the touch of sun on the skin, green grass all around on the left and the calm sea to the right. The sound of the calm waves embracing the rocks every now and then, in harmony. I look ahead and I see beauty in bright colors.  I look down at my feet and I see I'm stuck in a wet muddy patch. I notice the dirty brown water rising up against the length of my leg. I realize I'm going to drown soon. I wriggle my leg. I wriggle my waist. I don't move an inch. I'm anxious. I look in the rear view mirror like I have done already a million times in the past hour. I realize its this looking in the rear view mirror that is drowning me! I fix my eyes on my legs again.

I again look in the rear view mirror. I see hatred. I see love. I see the good times. I see the bad ones too. I see faces. Happy face, angry face, sad face and poker face. I'm lost. There's too much static on the radio. I try tuning it while my eyes still fixed on the mirror. I hear laughter. I put my hands back on the wheel trying to steer me to the future, the beautiful future, out of the muddy water. Its still laughter and I hear a cry. I hear a moan. I sense grief. I feel grim. I feel a hug and then I feel all alone. I see myself on a beach, I see dolphins, I see kites flying high, I see the sunset, a beautiful one. I feel my legs burning. I see the sea boiling. I see myself burning while I drown. I'm inside the water. I see fish. They turn into mermaids! Oh wait! I see its not a mermaid, it’s a fish - a strange one. It has the face of someone I know! Hold on! Every fish is someone I know! I realize I have been holding my breath too long. I need air to breathe. I can feel the hot surface up there while I look for air at the bottom. I need to get out of here! I hold on to a fish. I trust the fish. It takes me out of there and now I'm in paradise. It's white everywhere. I'm on clouds. I see food. It tastes delicious! I hear harps. I see blue birds chirping, flying all around. I feel love. I'm happy. I'm content. I start thinking of the beautiful bright future ahead of me. I feel a push. I'm flying! I fly by many birds. Before I realize I'm falling, there I am. Back in the sea. It's not hot! It's not cold. It's not angry at me. It's not calm. I float. I look up at the sun. I wish for loneliness. I see a turtle. It looks at me. It knows I'm sad. It knows I need to be alone. It holds on to me. I lay on its back in the middle of nowhere. It shows me around. It consoles me. I feel happy again. I feel alive.

I'm distracted by the dirty water almost at my waist now. I wonder where the hell this water is coming from. I look around and its still green and blue. I look ahead and it's beautiful too. What a fool I have been so far! I open the door to let the water out. This is magic! The water is in love with my car. It doesn't flow! It's stagnant and I'm already waist down in it. Now I realize. It’s the bloody rear view mirror. I have been looking too much at it. I smash it with my hands. Bits of it remain. Rest fall into the muddy water and disappear. I feel the water draining out. Oh no! what have I done!? I can't see the past now! I think how bad the future would be. I see a thunderstorm up ahead. I see a hurricane racing at me. I think how good the future could be. I see the hurricane vanish! I see the birds, butterflies. I see squirrels and I see deer. A lot of them. I feel my feet again. I feel the soft grass under it. I want to look at the back. I adjust the left over glass pieces and I see just enough to take me forward safe.

I feel the breeze again. There's no static on the radio. I see a ballet. So graceful! I see flowers. I smell freshness. I feel myself. I feel love all around me. I see happiness. I am happy.